Monthly Archives: May 2006

Reason for oil shortage in UK

A lot of people can’t understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in our country. Well, there’s a very simple answer. Nobody bothered to check the oil. We just didn’t know we were getting low.
The reason for that is purely geographical. Our oil is located in the North Sea.

Our dipsticks are located in Westminster.

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Office memo: Implementation of replacement hardware

Implementation of replacement hardware.

Over the next few months, there are going to be a lot of changes taking place as far as Servers and Computers go.

Our goal is to remove all laptop computers by July and all desktop computers by September, as part of a departmental cost cutting exercise.

Instead, every member of staff will be provided with an Etch-A-Sketch.

There are many sound reasons for doing this:

1. No boot-up problems.

2. No technical glitches keeping work from being completed.

3. No more wasted time reading and writing emails. (We have phones)

4. No worries about power cuts.

5. Budget savings on upgrades unparalleled.

Frequently Asked Questions from the Etch-A-Sketch Help Desk:

Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has all these funny little lines all over the screen.
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: What’s the shortcut for undo?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I create a New Document window?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I set the background and foreground to the same colour?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: What is the proper procedure for rebooting my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I print my work?
A: Place your Etch-A-Sketch face down on the photocopier. Enter number of copies. Press Start.

Q: How do I save my Etch-A-Sketch document?
A: Don’t shake it.

Attribute: Unknown as yet

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ZDNet: Government to force handover of encryption keys

Businesses and individuals may soon have to release their encryption keys to the police or face imprisonment, when Part 3 of the RIP Act comes into effect
 
The UK Government is preparing to give the police the authority to force organisations and individuals to disclose encryption keys, a move which has outraged some security and civil rights experts.

The powers are contained within Part 3 of the Regulation of Investigatory Powers Act (RIPA). RIPA was introduced in 2000, but the government has held back from bringing Part 3 into effect. Now, more than five years after the original act was passed, the Home Office is seeking to exercise the powers within Part Three of RIPA.

Full article here.

Digital Fortress

it’s that man again!

Mr da vinci – “Dan Brown” himself!

http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0552151696/

Damn romantic slushy stuff, reasonably factually OK and you can’t put the bugger down. Took me three days! Both this book and the Singh book were lent to me by the same person. A very non-geek friend of my wife’s.

Verdict: This guy is a bit like JA, but we don’t know what is crime is yet. (A damned good simple storyteller, but uses an even smaller vocab.)

I think he should quit living in the states and pitch his writing with a higher reading level age, then I think he could write best sellers with lot more respect.